SAYING WHAT YOU MEAN = MEANING WHAT YOU SAY

Many people, as they grow older, like to say that younger generations don’t have respect. They lament that we’re losing those niceties of courtesy & convention that defined previous eras, when men were ‘gentlemen’ and women were ‘ladies’ not ‘bros’ and ho’s’ as is the recent colloquial trend.

I strongly object to women being referred to as ‘ho’s’ but I suspect that this is only because I too am growing older and remember a time when the sound had sleazy connotations. Societal conventions of behavior, sexual & otherwise, have changed. Promiscuity without a professional angle is no longer frowned upon but laughed at or even admired. So, perhaps the implication of being called a ‘ho’ is not as insulting as one burdened with past baggage, such as I, might believe.

The loss of hypocritical niceties, on the other hand, is something I can relate to. How many times have you met someone new who gushes warmly only to look through you the next time you see them? Or conversely, have you had someone say something mean and then laugh it off saying they didn’t really mean it? If you live in the Punjabi-dominated North of India, it probably happens all the time!

My childhood memories are peppered with such instances….

- My sister in tears and my grandmother saying, “I didn’t mean to call you golguppy – yeh toh mohkaul tha!” (fatty – this was only teasing)

- My parents driving from end to end in Delhi to meet relatives who didn’t appear as thrilled to see them as they had previously claimed they’d be

- An aunt grabbing hold of me and saying how worried she is about my welfare, only to walk off when I start talking

When you can’t tell the difference between what people say and what they actually mean, it leads to confusion & chaos. The people who are too polite to express how they actually feel build up castles of resentment. Those who are misled into believing that they are genuinely like-able and popular, if not checked, can become obnoxious and entitled. Where, then, are the strong social ties that such courtesy is supposed to elicit?

To people who say I’m anti-social, I say, I’m honest. If I’m happy to see you that’s how you’ll see me behave and if I’m not – well, I won’t pretend just to save your feelings. Isn’t better to know first-hand, which people you genuinely have a chance to connect with and which people are, in the spirit of frankness, a lost cause?

I maybe mean but I mean it!