RIGHTS AND RESTRAINT

Nothing makes me feel more violent than driving in Mumbai. I may try to meditate and be calm, serene beforehand, but put me behind the wheel and it all evaporates. I believe that the Mumbai traffic could provoke even the most non-violent people into turning psychotic! Lane-cutting at the last minute, turning left from the right-most lane, going the wrong way on a one-way road…one might expect this sort of behaviour from taxi drivers since they seldom have formal driving lessons & are limited by outdated cars without the grace of power-steering. But what is the justification of the men & women who are presumably more privileged – did they take driving lessons from a taxi driver?

My latest discovery is that stopping at a red light is suddenly out of fashion. And I’m not talking about Sundays or late nights when laziness or sleep-deprivation overwhelms reasonable action but even at rush hour on weekdays! When did this become acceptable? We may be infamous for our disregard for our own lives but when did we become so supremely indifferent to the safety of others? And since when did it become acceptable to berate with much shouting & honking the rare driver who does stop at a red light?

Yes, I know that living in a democracy gives us certain rights. It may be a long time since my last Civics exam but I’m pretty sure that the right to endanger ourselves and others is not one of them! My question then is – shouldn’t ‘restraint’ be as important as ‘rights’? They are two sides of the same coin. If I don’t show restraint, I cannot respect the rights of others. My rights cannot be respected without the exercise of restraint by the people who would violate them. It seems strange that in a place where we are so cognizant of our rights, few of us ever choose to exercise restraint!

The road is not the only place where another’s right of way is abused.

We seem fundamentally incapable of respecting order in queues. So many strategies to replace the patience we have never developed. There’s the ‘innocent’ who acts surprised when accused of infiltration – ‘is there a queue?’ There’s the ‘heavyweight’ who relies on intimidation by size, elbowing lesser mortals out of the way. The ‘sneak’ who slips in when someone else’s attention wanders. The ‘fool’ who acts so stupid that it seems easier to let him get away with it than have to explain his wrongdoing to him.

Most absurd of all is the rush to get out of an airplane when it lands. Is there a fire or is it collective claustrophobia that prompts the mad dash? Getting out first doesn’t ensure anything – you still have to rush to be first on and then off the terminal bus. And how can you be sure that you’ll be the first out of the airport? The first in and out of the restroom? How can you be the first to collect your luggage, which everyone knows is in the hands of providence!

I’m reminded so often of George Orwell’s ‘Animal Farm’ – all animals are equal but some are more equal. By pretending life is an F1 race where one winner takes it all, how does lack of restraint make us the first among equals?

Think of all the great people who command your respect and then think of all the pretenders whom you can’t stand. What separates the two? What are the qualities of the genuinely great that cannot be faked? Is it the sense of entitlement that comes from knowing one’s own rights or the exercise of restraint from infringing on the rights of others?

Which will you emulate? Will you stop at the red light or will you honk at the person who does?

TAAL MEIL COMPETITION

I recently attended a classical music concert and was very moved by the ‘jugalbandi’ of sarod maestro Ustad Amjad Ali Khan and the maestro who accompanied him on the tabla. Initially, there were gestures of coordination, then compliments on a particularly difficult movement and then it evolved into a competition, where each challenged the other further and further – and the music just got better and better.

It occurred to me then that the word ‘competition’ has contradictory connotations.

Some people react to competition superficially – it’s a bad thing. If there was no competition, we would get the recognition we think is rightfully ours! Competing against others engenders bad feelings – of rivalry and hatred. We hate our rivals for the very qualities that make us feel so good about ourselves.

Then there is the other reaction, the one that produces champions. Competition is a good thing because it challenges us to greater heights. We might not know how far we can go if we did not have rivals to excel us and push us still further. We respect them and their qualities for the power they have in helping us develop our own.

Ustad Amjad Ali Khan and his partner illustrated this – each delighting in the other’s performance and using it to spur his own talent further yet. To the delight of the audience!

One might argue that this is easier for musicians performing together. But think of the original iconic ‘mile sur mera tumhara’ when sports, arts & Bollywood celebrities came together for national unity. Think of the last time you shared a moment of camaraderie with your colleagues at work. Think of your last family gathering, where sibling rivalry made way for shared laughter.

Try to think of competition not as competing to succeed alone but as competing to succeed together.

FOOLISH WISDOM

“A fool is a man who believes he knows everything, a wise man is one who knows he knows nothing.”

What then divides the foolish from the wise? Is it the everything-nothing division or the difference between ‘believing’ and ‘knowing’ or perhaps, a bit of both?

The ‘everything’ is the realm of science – founded on the belief that knowledge is finite, that with persistence and perseverance, it is possible to know everything there may be to know. In fact, the best of scientists are working towards achieving the TOE – Theory of Everything. The framework that can explain everything in the known Universe and hopefully, accommodate the ‘unknown’ as it becomes the ‘known’.

The ‘nothing’ is the realm of philosophy – founded on the belief that knowledge is infinite, that no matter how much we are able to know, there will always be more that we do not know. The essence then of the philosopher is to understand ‘nothing’, to accept his own insignificance and pursue true wisdom with the knowledge that he may never quite reach it, no matter how far his progress.

The ‘everything’ has a ‘destination’; the ‘nothing’ has but a ‘journey’. Focus on a destination requires ‘believing’ for who could aspire to what he does not believe exists. Focus on a journey requires ‘knowing’ for who could learn from the road if he didn’t know where to look.

The wise are patient and pay attention to the details in their journey, not concerned with where they are being led. The foolish are impatient and their attention is claimed by the horizon, but who is to tell how far they might lead.

While the words ‘wise’ and ‘foolish’ imply that one is better than the other, the choice is not so simple. The Tarot deck gives the ‘fool’ his due – he does not know his limitations or acknowledge all the obstacles in his path, so he has the potential to overcome them with his belief and reach further than the ’wise’ who will notice all obstacles and perhaps, even allow his journey to move in another direction.

So, which is the path to choose? Is one better than the other?

Each has its challenges and rewards but in the end knowledge is not the province of one man but of mankind. The foolish and wise, both contribute to what we know and what we cannot know. We may choose to be wise or foolish but ignoring the ‘other’ leaves us incomplete.

IN THE END IS THE BEGINNING

Hindu philosophy divides time into ‘yugas’ – as one yuga comes to an end, another begins. For a beginning, an ending is necessary…so time is seen as a cycle. Related to this is the Physics rule – ‘what goes up must come down’. Again the motion is cyclic.

All of life can be seen as a cycle – night and day, death and birth, recession and growth, destruction and creation, war and peace….

If only we could take a step back and see the big picture as the Buddha does. Nothing disturbs him – if there is a ‘down’, he knows the ‘up’ is round the corner so he will not be depressed. If there is an ‘up’, he knows the’ down’ is coming up next, so he will not treat it as permanent either.

This is the impermanence of life. Always changing, always transforming. In every obstacle there is an opportunity. In every opportunity, there is an obstacle. The yin and yang co-exist. In fact, they do not exist without the other!

So, in every contradiction, there is reconciliation possible – if only we can try to see it. No ending is completely bad, no beginning completely good. Life is a cycle. In the beginning is the end, in the end the beginning.

FREEDOM OR CONTROL

I’m usually a champion of individual freedom. Most of us like to think we are! I believe that everyone should have the right of choice – to choose how they live, what they do, how they talk & interact with other people, whom they vote for, what products to buy and use….etc.

But this benevolent attitude to the freedoms of other people is quick to end the second someone lights a cigarette/cigar/pipe/beedi/agarbatti/whatever. I’m allergic to smoke and suffer from unending hayfever if I’m exposed to second or third hand smoke (I don’t smoke, so first hand smoke is moot). And I freely admit it – I’m quite prejudiced towards smokers.

As much as I claim to respect the freedom of others, I strongly resent it when this freedom allows them to cause me pain. When it comes to smoking, I wish I could control smokers so that they never lit up in my presence or subjected me to smoky breath when they’re back from a smoke break. As for the neighbor who smokes in his bathroom such that the smoke ends up in mine, nothing less than a straight-jacket & restraining order would do!

It’s a fine line of balance but we all have our triggers. We are happy to allow others to exercise freedom until it crosses our own line of tolerance and then we’re suddenly all for control over individual freedom. Think about it….there may be at least one instance when you have wished you could control someone else’s actions…the neighbor who plays music too loud, the taxi drivers who cut lanes recklessly, the domineering aunty who cuts ahead of you in the supermarket queue, the kids who snigger and talk through the movie in a theatre….feel free to add your particular triggers to the list.

Democracy is about balancing individual freedoms versus collective control. Many people seem particularly good at practicing the former themselves and preaching the latter to others around them! When it comes to smoking, I do the same – since I don’t smoke myself, I don’t understand how difficult it is to control. How would I feel if someone tried to control my behavior similarly? There’s a good chance, I wouldn’t like it at all!

So where do we draw the line?

DISABLE OR ENABLE?

This wonderful, awe-inspiring talk by Aimee Mullins, an athlete/actor/model/activist, teaches us that the only true disability that can truly afflict us is one of the spirit. As she says, “adversity isn't an obstacle that we need to get around in order to resume living our life. It's part of our life.”

Aimee’s talk makes me feel ashamed of all the times in my life, when I have said ‘I can’t.’ I realize now that what I was really saying was, ‘I don’t want to try.’ But her larger message is even starker – for our words affect not just ourselves and our abilities but also others and their abilities. How many times have we told someone else that they are not capable/that they should not try to do something? How many times have we said this to our children?

Neurologist and psychiatrist, Victor Frankl survived the holocaust with his idealism & sense of humour intact. In the talk below, he too strives to teach us why we must allow ourselves to believe the best of others, encouraging them to truly believe in their better selves and live out this belief.



When we accept our influence on not just how we choose to live our lives but also on the choices and lives of the people around us, we have an important decision to make. Should we ‘disable’ or ‘enable’ ourselves and others?

DAY OR NIGHT

This is my favourite painting – "Impression, Sunrise" by Claude Monet. I don’t know much about art but I do know that I appreciate creative work not for what it is or is intended to be but for what it makes me feel. And this painting makes me feel that delicious melancholy which comes with my favourite time of day.

Sunrise or sunset, the sadness of a final closing blurring with the excitement of a new beginning is a unique sensation. It makes me feel a little incomplete, a little uncertain but is reassuring all the same because it’s a signal to move on. The sun waits for no one and we must rush to catch up with it’s emerging or fading light.

It’s also a moment that always gives me pause. For a brief few seconds, I enjoy a larger perspective where my small concerns and efforts don’t register. I’m so insignificant in the magnificent nature of the Universe that I can only be awed and inspired. Yet, the moment passes and the grind of life returns, where I’m at the centre and must try to achieve my own significance.

What a beautiful contradiction!